I am sitting in a restaurant across from the Chinese Theater on Hollywood Blvd. Next to me are the floor to ceiling glass windows. Sidewalk outside crowded with tourists. Mom is in line ordering. In my peripheral vision I see motion outside. Three kids jumping up and down and waving. One kid mounting the other pantomiming doggy-style sex.
What the fuck?
I look around the restaurant expecting to see a beautiful girl or something. Then I realized to them I am not “Eric”. I am “Tyler”.
Mom is almost at the front of the line.
I wave hello to the kids.
Go Away!
They don’t. Instead the kids huddle and one kid drops to his knees.
Don’t do it!
Two of the kids begin to pantomime popping on the third kid’s face!
Passers by on shuffle to get around the kids. A yuppie looking couple looks at the kids…looks at me…then back to the kids. Tourists begin to wonder what is going on.
I am sitting in horror on the other side of the glass while this silent minstrel show for my benefit plays out.
Why is this happening to me?
Mom now ordering her food and is fumbling with shit in her purse.
I look back to the window…
Kids are gone!
No…wait. There there are… walking to the door!
NO!!!!!!
They are coming into the Goddamn restaurant!
I turn back to see mom. Paper soda cups in hand. En route to the soda machine. I know where her next stop will be.
I do what any self-respecting son would do. I flee. I run past the kids and out of that fucking restaurant, and into the crowd. When mom calls my cell phone, I tell her I saw somebody I thought I knew and I had to catch up with them.
I really hate lying to my mom. We both know I am lying. As long as she does not know why I am lying I rationalize.
Tagged: Questions & Answers, Short Story
